Eden's Garden

Our Trip to China

Well Eden and I are near the end of our most excellent trip to China. It's really the first time I've been able to blog. Right now we are in Eden's province, Zhejiang, which is pronounced JuJyong. This is my third trip to China, and certainly the best one by far because I'm here with Eden and also because I saw so many things that I never did before. The highlights were a rickshaw tour of the old Hutong neighborhood in Beijing; our stay with a Chinese family in the country; a visit to the Panda research center (Eden held a baby panda there); the terra cotta soldiers in Xian; a cruise on the Li River in beautiful Guilin; and 2 visits to tea farms. The Chinese people could not be friendlier. Right now Eden and I are on our own and we were supposed to be visiting Eden's orphanage tomorrow but last we heard we have been denied admittance for some mysterious reason. It was very disappointing but Eden has been quite philosophical about it. We will see what tomorrow brings. Then we take a bullet train to Shanghai and reunite with our friends Peggy and Robin for a day of touring, Then it's back home to Roger and our doggies. And western food. Yeah! Will post more after we return.

Homeland Journey

24 hours from now, Eden and I will be on an airplane bound for Beijing. After years of talking about it and months of planning, it's finally happening. It will be my third trip to the land of Eden's ancestors. Eden, who is 14 now, will be returning for the first time since her dad and I adopted her when she was 9 months old. I have been so busy at work and so busy planning the logistics, I haven't had much time to really think about this trip and what it will mean to Eden. It's going to be overwhelming, I think, in both positive and not so positive ways. We are both going to journal, and I will try to blog along the way. Till then. ...

Afghan Women's Writing Project

I am a bad blogger with good intentions. I just never seem to find the time to devote to this blog, even though I always have lots I want to talk about. Today I just want to talk about my volunteer project, the Afghan Women's Writing Project. This online magazine was started by an amazing woman, Masha Hamilton, a novelist and former war correspondent. American writers work with women in Afghanistan (in secret locations for security) so empower them to express themselves. Their stories are heart-wrenching and beautiful. Please go to www.awwproject.org and read some of the stories and let the women know they are being heard. And then consider financially supporting this important cause. Eden, my tender-hearted daughter, was so moved after spending time on the site that she contributed $20. Hope everyone reading this will do the same.

Long Time, No Write

Wow. It's been a long time since I've been here. I even forgot my password! I am not a good blogger! Right now I just want to quickly plug Eden's newest venture. My sweet-hearted, community-minded girl has been sewing handmade pillows and selling them. She calls her project "Pillows 4 Pups." She is planning on donating all proceeds to Defenders of Wildlife to benefit their wolf projects. You can visit her FB page and get in touch if you would like to support her. Eden continues to be passionate about animals. We'll see where that leads. Hope everyone is having a great summer so far!

Talkin' Bout My Girl

My little girl turned 13 at the end of January. If we had followed my Jewish roots, she would have had a bat mitzvah and become a woman.  Guess what? She became a woman anyway. I don't know how Roger and I got so lucky but we have the best daughter anyone could ever, ever hope for. Every day she grows more beautiful, graceful, intuitive, compassionate, worldly, smart, and talented. Sometimes I forget I'm speaking with a 13-year-old because she's so insightful and mature. Whether it's discussing recent difficulties I've had in my relationship with my mother, or the troubles one of her friend is currently having, her perceptions and observations are razor sharp.

Roger and I are thrilled with the great year she's having in 7th grade. She has found and made a wonderful group of friends who are sweet, smart, and accomplished. She keeps in touch with people she's met in different areas of her life: the girls from our travel group to China, friends she made from the past two summers at zoo camp, our local Families with Children from China, the regional orchestra she plays with. She is a delight and inspiration to me every day.

Thank goodness we have her because she mitigates the increasingly complex and broken world in which we live. I only wish I could do more to protect her from the realities of life on the planet. It's stressful to realize you have limited ability to shelter your kids or truly keep them safe. That is a heart-breaking reality for all of us.

Quasir Alexander

A baby, 2 months old, starved to death in a homeless shelter after being declared healthy and well by a caseworker. He weighted 4 lbs, one pound less then when he was born. Quasir Alexander lived with his mother, who has been charged with homicide, and five siblings including his twin. The social workers assigned to the case are under investigation. I don't know the specifics and it seems hard to believe that a 4 lb, emaciated baby would be deemed healthy. However, I do feel for the overworked and underpaid social workers who deal with these kinds of cases day in and day out. Beyond that, it is shocking that such occurrences are far too common in this, the richest country on earth. I mean, I know people who have spent more on their weddings than my house is worth. And yet, we allow children to die because they have the misfortune of being born into poverty to parents with no resources or ability to care for them. It's shameful. And unacceptable.

 

Baby Think It Over

I am familiar with Baby Think It Over from my work with Soroptimist. A lot of our clubs pay to help schools buy the dolls, which are supposed to teach kids about the real world responsibilities of having a child. When Eden said she was going to bring home the doll, I was curious to see what it would entail. I have to say I thought it was a colossal waste of time, and curiously counterproductive. Each kid gets the doll for one evening. What lesson can be learned in one evening. One evening is a novelty, not a life-lesson. Secondly, the kids get to remove the batter pack at 10 p.m. Wow. Wouldn't it be great to turn off our parental responsibilities at 10 p.m.? But here's the most galling part. Kids who had sports responsibilities could hire a babysitter for their doll. The night after Eden watched her doll (who she named Magnolia), she watched her friend Juan's doll because he had a basketball game. From what I could gather, it was mostly boys who hired the babysitters. Meanwhile, my extremely nurturing and maternal daughter, was cuddling and rocking her baby all night and thought it was "fun." So let's see, what were the lessons learned: 1. Having a baby is "fun." 2. Taking care of babies is "women's work." 3. You can have a baby and continue to live your life as before, including playing sports. WHAT??? I don't know. Needless to say, eden heard about it from me and she agreed it was pretty lame. While I understand that Baby Think It Over is supposed to prevent teenage pregnancy, I don't think it's doing the job it was intended to do. At least not from my perspective.

 

Self Esteem

I am a strong woman. I am trying to raise my daughter to be a strong woman too. She is a sweet, compassionate girl. But she does not like confrontation and will put up with things she shouldn't to avoid it. For instance, someone she knows constantly comments on everything about my daughter. Negatively comments, that is. What she looks like. What she eats. Her academic abilities. Her musical abilities. This person is not a bad person. She just has some really bad habits and no internal editor. She just says whatever silly thing comes into her mind. But Eden, who says she doesn't want to be "mean," rarely challenges this girl. She usually just takes it. Eden tends to do the same whenever someone makes an unkind anti-Chinese remark. So, I told Eden that standing up for yourself doesn't translate into being mean. I suggested that she let this person know that her comments are unacceptable and that she needs to stop. And that if it continues, she should tell this girl that she can't be friends with someone who feels it's OK to constantly insult her.

I have to be careful because I know some of this comes with Eden's age. She's about to turn 13. Girls tend to become underconfident when they hit their teens. It's painful to watch. And while I do remember being her age, it's quite possible I was reluctant to take people on at that age (and I certainly got my share of abuse from school mates). So it's a balancing act between counseling Eden to stand up for herself, and respecting her (lovely) personality, which is quite different from mine. I know for sure, though, that I nver want her to be on the receiving end of any kind of abuse—whether it's from a girlfriend or a boy she might be dating. So I will continue to work with Eden on non-confrontational ways for her to assert herself.

Death of a parent

Death is part of life. We all know that's true. When my dad died, 5 years ago, it was devastating. It was so hard to watch his decline as cancer stole his body and his mind. I felt particularly bad for Eden because she was only 6 at the time and saw/heard a lot of stuff she shouldn't have been exposed to, including being present when my dad took his last breath. I was so on edge the entire time my dad was ill. I cried an ocean of tears. I spent the better part of a year driving to Pittsburgh and back (a 300 mile trip) with my brother. It was awful. But as horrible as it was, I was lucky in a way because I had my dad for 50 years.

My friend Harold's kids aren't so lucky. They lost their dad two weeks ago. He was 52. Both his kids had birthdays since he died. Alex turned 14 on Halloween and Emily just turned 16 today. Harold did everything he could, and I mean everything, to stay alive after his diagnosis two years ago with an incurable brain tumor. The past two years were unspeakably horrible for Harold, his wife Elinore and their kids. Roger and I went to Harold's life celebration yesterday. We learned a lot of things about Harold that we didn't know. There were many happy memories mixed with many painful ones detailing Harold's fight with an enemy disease that would eventually take his life.

My husband and I have been so shaken up by Harold's illness and death. On a lot of levels. On the level that he was a friend we loved and it was painful to watch his journey, knowing how it would end. Watching his stalwart wife struggle to be her husband's partner in his battle, while holding down a full-time job and taking care of their kids. And, naturally, ocassions like this force you to think about your own mortality. My daughter has older parents and I do worry about leaving her too early. And I stress that as older parents we don't do nearly enough to take care of ourselves. It makes me feel guilty to think about everything Harold did to stay alive (and I mean everything), and how little I do to keep myself in better health. I have to work on this. I want my daughter to have her parents around as long as possible. It's what she deserves.

Long time, no post

I haven't posted on my blog in forever. Eden lost interest. She's almost 13, it's to be expected. She is a very busy young woman. Great student. Passionate musician. Social butterfly. So, I will continue this blog on my own.

Last weekend was special for us. We hosted a house concert with a wonderful singer-songwriter we love, James Maddock, and his equally talented keyboardist, Oli Rockberger. Eden and her 3 friends, Nicole, Georgia and Lauren, opened with 3 songs. They were phenomenal and blew everyone away, including James and Oli. They were also treated to a photo shoot, as James' girlfriend, the inspired Mary Ellen Matthews (she's the photographer for Saturday Night Live), was there and recorded the event in photos. There was no shortage of frustrations along the way (also to be expected with 4 12 year-olds!), but in the end they pulled it off beautifully. I give them a lot of credit for standing there in front of 40 people and performing like that.

Anyway, I am going to start posting again, sharing my thoughts about life with an almost teenager, and life on the planet.

Eden's 12

Hard to believe but my baby girl turned 12 last week. It's such a cliche but these years have just flown by. First words (button was Eden's first word), potty training, school, first loves (Ian in first grade. Eden wrote "he's my man" in her diary!). She has grown into a sweet, kind, smart, talented lovely young woman. One more year before she's a teenager. I just pray she stays as sweet as she is and that we can always be as close as we are now.